Elizabeth Gilbert (author of Eat, Pray, Love) speaking about her new book "Committed". What an insightful goddess…
When I asked my beautiful, educated and fabulous friend why she wanted to get married, she said: "I want that one day of evidence to the whole world and to myself that I am worthy of being chosen by somebody. Non-negotiable proof that I am a treasure…"
This felt true for me when I considered past relationships. When someone chooses us, does this make us more worthy than if they don't? If no one does?
I personally think marriage is a beautiful practice. I imagine choosing to spend your life loving, supporting and respecting one person can be a beautiful and fulfilling thing.
As long as you are not relying upon it for your happiness.
It might not even be marriage, it could be someone else, a material possession, a social status – anything outside yourself that you rely on for happiness can be very dangerous and is always an illusion.
The truth is that NOTHING outside the present moment is guaranteed. And, change is inevitable.
It’s easy to blame our unhappiness on the external. Not enough money, bad marriage, naughty children, too hard, too long, too far away, I’ll be happy when (insert goal). In essence none of these things are making us unhappy – it is our mindset and attitude toward these things and inability to be present and accept what is.
Nothing is good, nothing is bad – time, space, circumstance and individual determine it so. It’s all a matter of perspective.
When you change the way you look at something, the thing you look at changes. (Who said this? Someone profound I can't think of right now)
Everything in your life right now, your relationships, your job, your finances, your health - is a result of the choices YOU have made in your life up until this very day.
This is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. But it is still so.
The problem is, when we don’t take responsibility for our own happiness, we are giving our power away. When we take responsibility for our own happiness, suddenly it is a choice we are making, and by doing so we have suddenly empowered ourselves. Something is no longer happening to us, we are allowing something to happen to us.
Happiness does not come from anything external, ever, period.
Nothing has the power to make us happy – whether it be a relationship, job, food, or a marriage. Our attitude toward that thing, and our perspective of that thing, definitely can make us feel happy, but the thing itself does not have the magical power we often assign to it.
Happiness, or it's related feeling of joy, freedom, lightness, love, is something we already have within us, always. We were actually born with it. And, remembering this happiness is a choice we can consciously make every day. Happiness can get clouded by distractions, emotions, external factors, negative self talk – but it is always there within us, waiting for us to choose it.
My beautiful and inspiring yoga teacher said one day during our inversion sequence, “Self love is a responsibility of spiritual maturity and growth. We already have everything it is that we seek”.
Self love and happiness are so closely related, I feel that are almost the same practice.
Be present, get in your body, be here now. Remember that part of you that already IS happy, light and free.
You are worthy of happiness and everything it is your heart is desiring.
The best love imaginable, loving yourself, presence, happiness is available right now regardless of anything external, just make the choice.
It’s not too late.