Yesterday Karl and I went shopping for a very special plant, something to nurture and love, and something to forever remind us.
I had a miscarriage at 7.5 weeks and this special plant would be where I would lay my sweet little baby to rest.
Now, miscarriage is not something that most people talk about, although 1 in 4 pregnancies statistically ends in miscarriage (I know), I have never taken the time to intimately ask friends who experienced this what it was like, in detail, for them.
I had no idea.
So when it happened to me, I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know, in truth, just how devastating and brutal it was until it was unfolding in my very own body.
This is why I'm sharing this. Because I am someone who is terrible at surface talk and small talk. I am only interested in truth, authenticity and being real. And I wish I knew that this was what it was like, so I could offer true support to so many women I've known who have gone through the miscarriage of their baby.
Sometimes in life, death occurs, even for babies or children. And as horrifying as this is, it doesn't help if we cannot talk about it.
Miscarriage is perceived by many as 'not a real pregnancy' or babies below a certain gestation are not 'real babies' - I think this prevents women from grieving the loss of their babies in a healthy way that allows closure and peace. It stops us from talking about it out of fear of seeming 'weird' or 'dramatic' and 'why don't you just get on with it' and 'you can always try again', etc, etc.
It is something that is hushed and overlooked. It is not a cool topic of conversation.
Yet, it still happens. And if it happens to you, I want you to know you are not alone, and I want you to know what to expect, and that you are allowed to celebrate and grieve and create ritual around your child in whatever way you choose.
You are allowed to feel WHATEVER you feel. Heartbroken, relieved or somewhere in between.
Here is my very fresh, and very raw story.